How to Pretend You're Straight
    Tips for Lesbians from "Het Etiquette"

    Tired of those stares, shocked looks, and outraged mutters?  Try our tips on How to Pretend You're Straight, and you'll never have to worry again (yeah, right. Like, how long could anyone keep this up?)

    1.  Don't walk down the street holding your lover's hand.

    2.  If you must, one of you should have short hair, wear jeans and hiking boots, and walk firmly.  People will assume you're a man.

    3.  Don't look like you're enjoying each others' company so much.  Stifle your laughter.

    4.  Don't wear the same clothes as your lover, even though you bought them together.  People tend to put things together a little easier.

    5.  Lose the backpack, jeans, and swagger.

    6.  Don't wear political t-shirts or buttons.  They're a give away.

    7.  Grow your hair long--all the way around.

    8.  If you wear shorts, either put on knee socks that stay up, or shave your legs and pretend it feels better that way.

    9.  Wear something other than Birkenstocks, Doc Martens, and running shoes.

    10.  Don't look at people directly in the eye.  Lower your gaze, or wait for the other person to look first.

    11.  Don't walk with your hands in your jeans pockets.

    12.  Don't walk with your hands in your lovers' pockets.

    13.  Get some long dangly earrings and wear them.  Both of them.

    14.  Buy some expensive scent and put it on.  Don't buy it in the mens' section.

    15.  Learn to giggle.

    16.  Learn to pretend you're interested in listening to a man talk.  And talk and talk.

    17.  Wear a dress, or if you can't stomach that, a dress shirt with a few frills.

    18.  Grow your fingernails long.

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