Trying Still To Grow
©1997 by Xcellent

In a crowded room full of laughter I quietly stand
Silently wishing I was the only one there
Not wanting to be noticed I move not even a hand
Although, honestly, who really would care

My throat closes up, my heart begins to race
Mentally, I lambaste myself for these fears
'Cause it's not only in crowds I feel out of place
And experience this dire need to fight away tears

Confusion runs rampant thru the corridors of my mind
As I boldly try to find my way through a fog so dense
I even allow assorted events from the past to come find
Those insecurities that make me nervous and tense

Eerily I sense a sudden change in the air around
And with eyes filled with hope I quickly scan the room
Coming to an abrupt halt when 'tis you they have found
Whereupon the boisterous laughter effects the silence of a tomb

I watch as you move person-to-person, your smile emitting a glow
Almost as if the glorious sun had taken-up residence inside
If only the courage for which I fight so hard, did know
Where to find those needed feelings of confidence and pride

Although you are still twenty paces away from my form
Not looking in my direction nor acknowledging my existence
I can feel you deep within my soul; tender and warm
Whether you be ever so close or at a long distance

These things I feel I must battle through alone
But perceive I still need to have you there at my side
To aide me thru future doubts and troubles known
And bring forth valor so I need never again hide