Moving Away
©July 27, 1999 by Vanessa de Vera

I turned around-
I thought I saw you
Although you didn’t speak
Or move about or talk
But I saw you nevertheless.
I tried to speak my feelings
But you just didn’t care to know
You didn’t blink or turn your head
But I spoke louder still
Yet attempts were left futile by
The course of action not taken-
Left alone.
I tasted you today
On the rims of my cups
And on the edges of my utensils
Or maybe it wasn’t you-
But you were the first person I thought of
Because I tasted a sweetness like no other-
One invocation of tingly sparks of energy
That I’ve only felt with you.
But it wasn’t-
Alone again.
I thought I smelled you near
Because my heart strained my body
As I caught your scent on my pillow
Or as I sat down on my bed
I could’ve sworn that you were there
With a smart remark about my sluggishness
And I thought I felt you touch me
When I placed my ear to my phone receiver
As you used to do long ago
When you laid on this very bed
Or ate here often
Hell- when we used to
Talk for hours about nothing-
Right here, amidst these walls
Yet I hate to be wrong-
So I can’t be sure that you were here-
(although without you I feel cold)
but I wasn’t really sure-
(since I know I you’re with him now)
but sometimes I feel optimistic
and imagine that you’re actually
thinking of me too-
but then , I’m not sure
and you know I hate to be wrong
so I’ll take off now-
with nothing but what I have on
because I do know for positive
that everything I own
is contaminated with your love.
So either you leave
Or I will-
Because I’m sure you’ll understand
Why I want to stay alone.
I’m leaving on my own-
I lock my door and walk away
Moving at a different direction
Instead of following you.
And somehow I feel safer
Knowing that my old ways
Are left behind-
Within those empty walls.